Healing Rift
by GravityNeko
Summary: Father and son take in the reality of Mara's death. Post-LOTF


"Ben, you're not to blame for what happened to your mother..." Luke assured, patting the fourteen year old on the back. "If anyone is to blame, it's me."

Ben sat forward; head hung low, arms resting on his thighs, with his hands dangling between his legs as tears choked his voice. His face was hidden by a cascade of red hair and shadow.

"But I kept it a secret from you...I was afraid of you." He admitted. "I always seemed to let you down; like I wasn't the child I was supposed to be."

"No, you weren't flawed…you're perfect as you are…Perhaps..." He paused. "I'm not the father I should have been. I forgot, in wanting a child so badly..." He smoothed Ben's hair. "…I forgot the trials of raising a Force-strong child—what it would take. I was overly confident…and became a little disheartened when you started to withdraw from the Force…and your mother and I.

"I didn't know how to deal with you…so the best I could do at the time was pass you onto your cousin. He seemed to know how to interact with you on that level, better than I. I was…determined not to push you, because I feared that would only drive you farther away from us. Now, I truly question myself."

"Dad..."

"No, Ben, let me speak." He sucked in a breath. "You see, even during the Dark Nest Crisis I was blind to what was happening to Jacen…I couldn't see how a child so wholesome, loving…who told stupid jokes and had love of creatures…could have changed so much. I was...in denial. And I can't help but think, that perhaps if I had accepted that Jacen was changing earlier on, that I did see what he was becoming recently…I could have prevented your mother's death…and your suffering…I've acted so wrong…these past fourteen years…So misguided—and not only myself, but I led the Jedi astray too."

"No, Dad, you're our leader. The Jedi trust you. They respect you." Ben shook his head. "I only wish I could have seen what they saw…but all I could see was this…person that people practically treated like a god…" He looked to the side. "Yours were…are big shoes to fill…It was like this pressure was weighing down on my shoulders daily…like the whole galaxy was watching my every movement…wondering if I was going to be like my father. What path will he choose.. That's what they all wondered, and some still are I bet."

"Ben, I never expected you to be like me. Yes, you have tremendous power…but you are still your own person."

"No, you did. You might not have been aware of it, but you did expect a lot out of me..."

Luke sighed. This was going nowhere.

"You were angry with me." Ben remarked.

"When?"

"When I joined the GAG, you were angry and disappointed."

"Because you weren't doing what a Jedi should. You had no business engaging in that kind of activity-and on live HoloNet."

"See, you're doing it."

Luke winced.

"I'm sorry," he said after a moment.

There was silence for awhile.

"I believe, if anyone is to blame for anything. It's me." Luke decided with finality. "I _do_ believe I was not the person I should have been. Not the father, not the Master, maybe not even the husband." A sad look had entered his eyes.

"That alone should prove to the galaxy I'm no omnipotent being."

Ben looked on intently at his father, seeing the pain in his father's eyes and hearing it in his voice.

"If I _had _been a better husband, maybe your mother wouldn't have died." Luke shook his head. "I should have trusted her."

Ben stood up, not being able to take it anymore, and hollered, "Stop it, stop it, stop it! I can't stand to see you blame yourself for this!"

"And what's the alternative, Ben…let you go on assuming full blame…I haven't been the best father up till now…but I can do this much…I can admit when something is my fault."

"You shouldn't have to…take on the blame all by yourself…Mom said you were always doing that…shouldering the entire galaxy…acting like it was your responsibility." He sniffed. "Let someone help you…for once, Dad. Just once."

He shook his head.

"Yes, you can." He put a hand on his father's shoulder.

"Please..."

Luke took in his son's face and suddenly saw that of a child, staring at him with imploring eyes. His child, he thought. Yes, Ben had grown up considerably, but right now he was just a vulnerable boy who had just lost the only mother he'd ever had.

"You shouldn't crucify yourself over something that's not your fault." He searched Ben's eyes. "Ben….do you believe your mother died for nothing….That it was meaningless."

"Jacen's reasons were."

"What about her own reasons? She was trying to protect you; she chose to protect. Were they meaningless?"

"She shouldn't have had to die because of my stupidity." He snapped bitterly. "She shouldn't have had to die because I was too cowardly to face you."

Luke began quietly, "Ben…Son…life is often full of shouldn't haves and things we think are senseless." Tears choked his voice. "I believe your mother knew the extent of what she was doing….So her death could not have been in vain. She achieved her goal, in the end didn't she? When all is said and done, you are safe." He took a breath. "And that's all that mattered to both of us….that you were safe and healthy. You mother and I love you very much..."  
"Dad!" Ben cried out and practically dove into Luke's arms.

"Ben…"

Luke was momentarily stunned, he yearned to wrap his arms around his son; to comfort him, but wasn't entirely sure he should.

"Dad..." The boy wailed, crying into Luke's chest.

His son's plaintive cries were all the assurance he needed. He embraced Ben fully, pulling him further to his own warmth. "Shh. It's going to be all right, Ben." He promised as he stroked the boy's hair.

"No, it isn't!" Ben beat his father's should with his fist. His frustration was evident. "Mom's dead, she's dead, Dad, and she's not coming back!"

He could feel his heart cracking, ready to crumble, as his son's pained wails reached his ears.

Luke felt his own despair and grief well up, but pushed it down. He was not the only one grieving for his wife, Ben had also lost his mother—and right now, Ben's grief was more important than his own.

Why had this happened? Force why did you take her? Can't you see deep down inside he's still a child? He needs his mother; needs her guidance, her wisdom, and warmth, and the security of her love.

**.**


End file.
